Friday, August 05, 2005

Things I Think About While Running - My Biopic Edition

JennySlash mentioned last night that she was reading a discussion on the boards on one of the Harry Potter sites about who you would want to play yourself in the movie of your life. When she asked me who I thought should play her "when she was still cool" (i.e., before she ended up with me), my immediate response was Gyneth Paltrow, both because it was true and because I thought it would keep me from being hit. When asked who should play me, my immediate answer was Jude Law, only because he seems to have been in every movie made over the last two years. My second answer, had the conversation gone any further, would have been Will Ferrell, because she's such a fan!

Thought about it a little more when I was running this morning - about who my first choices would be and why they wouldn't work::
Johnny Depp - too cool
Bruce Campbell - too cool and too much chin
David Duchovny/Kyle Maclachlan - too FBI

This was getting me nowhere. So I took a minute to look at IMDB for folks born the same year as me:
Oliver Platt - too bulky
Kenneth Branagh, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth - too Anglo
Hugo Weaving - too ugly
Carol Alt, Kim Alexis, Darryl Hannah, Julianne Moore, RuPaul - too foxy
Paul Westerberg, Bono, Michael Stipe - too singer-y
James Spader - too blond
Joel Hodgson, Chris Elliott - too goofy
Damon Wayans - too tan
Jean-Claude van Damme - too batshit crazy
Daniel Baldwin - too Baldwin-esque
Sean Penn - see Jean-Claude van Damme
Antonio Banderas - too hot

So I'm left with Timothy Hutton and Judd Nelson (who was actually born the year before but close enough). What do you guys think?


At 4:40 PM, Blogger jw said...

Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise -- too short.

At 4:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Judd Nelson, definitely!

(by the way, I didn't buy the Paltrow thing for a minute!)

At 4:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course, Judd Nelson could play you NOW ('cause you're the same age, and all) but who would you have play the 1985 version of you? Who is 20 years younger than you and just as cool and good-looking?

At 5:13 PM, Blogger Tony Plutonium said...

I was thinking about Jason Lee for a somewhat younger me (too old for the 1985 me though) but I realized that I can't name a single mid-twenties actor. No idea.

At 2:14 AM, Blogger mapgirl said...

Definitely Timothy Hutton, just because he is so cool. Unfortunately there was the whole married-to-Debra-Winger sadness of the early 1980s.

This post was hilarious. The Sean Penn description made me do a spit-take of Diet Coke.


At 7:06 AM, Blogger Lex said...

When you were 25 I'd've said Nicholas Cage. (He could've played me, then, too.) But now? Too bald.

At 3:10 PM, Blogger Tony Plutonium said...

Lex, after walking past him in a terminal at BWI some years ago, I would have thought Cage was way too short (like 5'9" or something). Couldn't believe it when I just looked and IMDB has him listed at 6'1". He was carrying his own bags, so maybe he was just slumping. But yes, way too follically-challenged.

MG, thanks! I owe you 1 (one) bottle of Windex.

At 4:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I note that Tom Cruise's height is listed as 5'7". Hmmm... What do you think the accuracy level of these IMDB reports might be?


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